


Reflections

by emansil



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, UST, some pov changes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 06:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5038228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emansil/pseuds/emansil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco looks back on his life with Harry Potter always being the sun around which his life rotated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> A series of drabbles in which Draco looks back on his life with Harry Potter being the sun around which he rotated. The final two are Harry's reflections on how Draco had become his.

Reflections

The first time I saw you, I was trying to impress you. I wanted to become your friend. My parents had told me about you. You were more powerful than anyone we had ever known. You had defeated the Dark Lord. You were ‘The Boy Who Lived.’

It was amazing to me that you picked a Weasley over me. I was a Malfoy. I was rich. I was powerful. We could have accomplished so much together.

You could have picked me. You should have picked me. But you chose friendship over power. 

Gryffindor to the core, Machiavellian you were not.   
~~~~

They say it’s your first time on a broom. I can’t believe it. You are amazing. You’re a natural. I’ve been riding brooms since I was five years old, and I’m still not as good as you were your very first time.

Amazingly you never knew what a hero you were to Longbottom that day. I think that was the beginning of your hero addiction.

You would have thought I’d have learned my lesson that day. For being so brilliant, I can be a little slow at times. 

Don’t fuck with Harry Potter or his friends, or even fellow Gryffindors. 

~~~~

I was astounded at your bravery as you stood across from me in our first dueling contest in second year. Snape thought to intimidate you - fat chance. 

You’d only been doing magic for a year; at least that was what they said. I’d been doing magic at home, although I was not supposed to for years. You never batted an eyelash.

“Scared Potter,” I ridiculed you, but you never showed one moment of fear.

It was the most amazing thing ever when you started speaking Parseltongue, like you were born to it, which I guess you were, in truth.

~~~~

The way you out-fly that Horntail our fourth year was one of the most amazing things I’d ever seen.

I think I knew then I loved you. You were a light I was drawn to. I wanted to follow your light. I tried to ignore it. I had to keep up the pretense. No one could know, especially you.

I think Pansy suspected my feelings at the last challenge. I swear I bit my fingernails to the quick. Fleur and Victor had returned, but you and Cedric hadn't. I now know I was right to worry. You were in danger  
~~~

You realise of course you were almost as big of a drama queen in fifth year as I usually am. I never saw anybody so tense.

Do you know that you never talked that year, you yelled? You spoke in nothing but CAPS, always. 

Of course if I’d seen what you’d seen and gone through what you had gone through, I’d have had to hire a full time mental health counselor.

Looking back at what you went through that year, it amazes me you survived as sane as you did.

I’m sorry it was my aunt that killed your godfather. 

~~~

What can I say about sixth year?

I wish it had never happened, wish I could hex it away? There were so many things I’m ashamed of. 

I knew you knew it was me. I was in too deep, and couldn’t get out.

No one was more amazed than me when you hexed me in the bathroom. You never told me where you learned that curse. Let me tell you, it hurt. A lot.

I saw your look of anguish after you'd really hurt me. I feared you would have too much compassion to ever be able to destroy Voldemort. 

~~~

We saw less of each other our final year, but each contact had more impact on our lives than all other years combined.

I was speechless with horror when they brought you to the Manor. How could you have said his name? That was one of the more amazingly stupid things anyone has ever done. 

How could I have let them know it was you? You were meant to be our saviour. How could you save us if you were dead or damaged?

I had to protect you. I'm just sorry I could not protect Granger from my aunt’s torture. 

~~~

She got hers in the end. I still chuckle when I hear the Weasel’s mom, “Not my daughter, you bitch’.

But I digress. 

I was never so amazed in my life when you returned for me on your broom. 

Why we followed you, I don’t know. I lie. I do know. I wanted to be near you. I figured if anyplace was safe, it would be with you. 

Unfortunately for everyone, himself especially, Vincent had a different reason for following you.

Riding on the back of that broom was the most exhilarating experience of my life, up to that point. 

~~~

I’m ashamed to say this now, but I was there when Hagrid brought your _dead_ body back to the castle.

I was hiding. It was never my intention to hide, but I got so involved in a fantasy of you, I lost track.

Amazing isn’t it, that I could lose track with all that death and destruction happening around me.

What broke it was hearing them say you were dead. He had won. 

You stupid prat of a hero, how could you fall in love with me if you were dead? 

I’m sure my heart stopped for a few moments.

~~~

Then, there you stood in front of us, alive and strong.

Strong in your desire even then, after the pain he had caused everyone, to offer salvation to Voldemort. You knew what his future held in store, and you did not think anyone deserved that much anguish. 

I was amazed to find that he thought he could still beat you. How could he not know his days were numbered? You had returned from the dead. There was no way he could win.

He would not accept what you were offering, arrogant as always in his pride to the very end.

~~~

Your war with Voldemort was over. He was dead, you had won.

I had such great plans for us, in my fantasies. I knew you’d come find me, tell me you loved me, had always loved me.

My amazement knew no bounds when you never came; you never even looked at me. The only ones you had time for were Ron and Hermione, and HER. Them I could understand. They had been with you, but her. Why her, she wasn’t with you.

It was later I learned you would not allow her. To keep her safe, you kept her away. 

~~~

We left school, life went on. I got my Master’s in Potions, you became an Auror. You never knew, but there was talk of bringing you on to Ministry of Magic. You were to be the youngest Minister ever. I knew they were barking up the wrong tree with that one. Fame was never your desire. 

I’d heard the rumour, you and Ginny had got married. Knowing I had no chance and knowing an heir was required. I married the first person approved by my parents. 

Imagine my amazement when you showed up at my bachelor’s party, arranged by Blaise. 

~~~~

Dear Blaise, and Pansy, I’m sure it was all her idea. It appears I never hid my feelings as well as I thought I had. I wonder how long they had known.

I did not know if I should cry with frustration when you told me how unhappy you were with Ginny, the night before my wedding. Or, swoon with joy, when you took me in your arms and kissed me and told me you wished you’d done this, years ago. 

However, a Malfoy does not break his word, once he has given it. I was married the next day.

~~~~

The years passed. I tried to make it work. My wife was a good woman. She loved me. I’m sure she knew from the beginning, my heart belonged to another. I was always amazed by the amount of pain I saw in her eyes. 

We had a son. What a joy and delight. What a handful. Although, no relation to you, he took all of your Gryffindor determination and combined it with Malfoy Slytherin abilities.

There must have been some Potter in his mother’s background, she failed to mention. I wasn’t at all surprised when he was sorted into Gryffindor.

~~~~

After my wedding, and the night before, I waited for you to contact me, but you never did.

I know you tried to keep out of the spotlight. Amazingly it never worked. We still wanted to know everything about you.

I looked across King’s Cross, there you were. You were putting you son on the train, as was I.

All I could do was nod, I was afraid to look, afraid you would see the love I still felt for you.

My wife never knew that part of the tears shed that day was because you barely acknowledged my presence. 

~~~~

Three years later, Pansy said she saw you at the station. You were putting your youngest on the train.

She said you and Ginny seemed to barely be speaking. You each spoke only to the child, who seemed relieved to be getting on the train.

Our children will always surprise us. Scorpius a Gryffindor, James a Ravenclaw and Albus sorted to Hufflepuff. I’m sure Severus wouldn’t show his face for weeks after that. 

You may or may not have been surprised when your daughter was sorted into Slytherin. I heard the only person sorted faster into Slytherin faster, was me. 

~~~~

When the knock came I wasn’t surprised to see you there, suitcase in hand. We both knew we were destined to be together. 

What amazes me, is how the last 55 years have flown I’ve loved you every single day of them. I’ve never regretted, opening the door to my heart, that day. 

I’ve been sleeping. I’m so tired. I wake to see you by my side. I woke once and you weren’t there. My panic was limitless. I wish I’d kept that from you. You’re not a young man, you need your rest. But, you’re never from my side.

~~~~

 

You’re more beautiful to me now than ever. Sure you’re a little thicker around the middle and shuffle with a bit of a stoop. Your hair has gone white, but still just as thick. My hair has all but disappeared and I’ve grown cadaverous in appearance, thin and brittle. 

I’m aware this is it; I can tell the end is near.

Don’t cry love, it’s time to let me go.

You say you’re not crying as you rub those still amazing green eyes, still hid behind glasses, trifocal now. There’s something in your eye, you say. But I know better. 

~~~~

I’m amazed. You think after all these years, I don’t know you.

I thought I did.

What did you just ask me? Do I want to go flying? I’m 91 years old. I’m dying. Why would I want? Then I see the look in your eyes, and I know what you have planned.

It feels amazing to be on a broom again. We’re both a bit rusty, but still remember. We’re flying over Hogwarts. 

I feel it happen, my heart beats even more erratically. I start to fall. You catch me. We both know it’s only a matter of time. 

~~~~

 

We make one final swoop over the pitch, before I bring us to the ground. I’m not sure you are going to make it; your heart is so weak.

I carry you in my arms and lay you on the ground. I hold you. 

I want to save you, but one look in your eyes tells me, no. The time for being a hero, is at an end. I have to say goodbye. Amazingly I do.

I feel you slip from me, your heart stops beating, your breath ends, the essence of who you were, is no longer with us. 

~~~~

Someone comes and tries to take you away from me. I think it might be one of your grandsons, I won’t let him. They can’t have you yet. You were part of my life, in one way or the other, for eighty years. What will I do without you? 

I hold you, as I rock back and forth, tears flowing. I have no reason to hide them anymore. You’re gone; no longer can you see me, and kiss my tears away. 

You always called me the hero. That, you never saw the hero in yourself never failed to amaze me.


End file.
